Drifting
by flecksofpoppy
Summary: Reno has a crisis of faith. RenoxRude  kinda ...UST-style.


So I spent several hours watching videos of Before Crisis last weekend. I've read the scripts, but honestly, it's totally different seeing it played out...so of course, I'm like, freaking out about the barrage of Rufus/President Shinra dialog, the much revealed interpersonal relationships between Reno, Rude and Tseng, etc. The fandom portion of my brain is _still_ exploding. SO...this is supposed to take place directly following (spoiler)

when Tseng shoots Veld and Elfé in front of the Shinra troops that have come to take the Turks in, and Reno just like, collapses on the ground because he has no idea what's going on. And Tseng is all, "O HAI BITCHES U COMIN? NO? EFF YOU LULZ," and hightails it back to Shinra in the back of a truck with the spoiler characters I mentioned prior. And then Reno and Rude are like, in the desert or something, and then...NEXT CHAPTER... WAIT WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

So. This is my version of the scene between Reno and Rude directly following that event. I was so well-behaved with my UST...no porn, a itouch of UST (I mean, it's me we're talking about), and more about the Reno/Rude relationship than anything else. Or at least that's what I set out to do. Enough rambling-here's the fic.

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><p><strong>Drifting<strong>

Reno's on the ground screaming, and Rude is still just staring at the dirt. The truck is crunching gravel as it drives away, and the smell of blood in the air is thicker than rain.

_Yes,_he's going to stay here. Because Reno's here. And that's all there is to it.

"Hey," he says, bending down, his knees dusty and dirty as he kneels and looks at Reno's bowed head. His partner's face is angled down 90 degrees, shaking his head; shaking in general.

"Hey," he says again, "c'mon. Stand up."

Reno doesn't.

"Reno," he says, and puts a hand on Reno's shoulder; Reno shudders.

"He fucking shot him," he whispers, "everything we-"

He doesn't finish the sentence, and everything in Rude's vision seems like it's swirling, like the stars up above them are pinpricks made to allow the flood of the sky to swallow them whole.

"No," Rude says, "it can't be that simple."

Then Reno does look at him, and the blue of his eyes are dark. Rude feels like he's suddenly being exhumed from a grave he's been in for the months of searching and hoping and not hoping.

"Where the fuck are we even?" Reno asks quietly, wrapping his arms around himself. Rude hasn't seen Reno do this since he was 18.

"The meeting point," Rude says simply, because he doesn't know how to answer Reno's question. A set of coordinates? A site of carnage?

"But _where_?" Reno asks. "How far from Midgar?"

"A few hours," Rude says, shrugging. "We can walk back."

"To _what_?" Reno hisses, his face contorting, and he looks at Rude finally. He shakes his head violently. "To fucking what? A death sentence?"

"Maybe," Rude says, shrugging.

Reno stands up abruptly and gets close, grabs the lapels of Rude's jacket-his dirty jacket that hasn't been cleaned in quite some time. That fucking jacket that Rude is _still_ wearing like it's freshly pressed, over a sweat-stained shirt like it's _still_ starched, and his pants like they're _still_neatly creased.

"Why don't you go home?" he asks hoarsely. Reno's looking for a fight, and Rude braces himself. "Why don't you just fucking go home, you stupid bastard?"

"I just said, it's a few hours from here."

"No," Reno breathes, his eyes on the dirt again, "_your_home."

Rude hesitates. He's used to Reno's outbursts, his anger, his razor-edged words and emotions, but he doesn't like thinking about his own past. There's no home where he came from, and there never was.

"Don't make me say it."

Reno hesitates. He's used to Rude's calm, his decorum and controlled words, but he hates it when he stays placid in situations like this. Reno wants Rude to scream; and Rude wants Reno to shut up.

Instead he leans forward and takes Reno's face in his hands, pushes his chin up and stares right into his eyes. "Stop it," is all he says.

Reno's shaking; his voice is hoarse from screaming into the empty air. He shakes his head in denial, looks angry again.

"Have a little faith," Rude finally admonishes him. Then, "I don't envy Tseng's position."

"I'm gonna lose it," Reno finally whispers, and Rude puts his hand back on Reno's shoulder and moves closer until Reno is against him.

"No you're not," he says resolutely. Rude isn't lying; not because he thinks that Reno _won't_lose it, but because he won't let him.

"Never thought I'd be here," Reno says finally, but he doesn't move away from Rude. Rude puts his arms around him, pats him on the back roughly. Their bodies pressed together are the most welcome, _warm_thing Rude has felt in a long time, so he stays and hopes Reno won't move away.

"In the fucking middle of nowhere?" Rude says mirthlessly.

"Sort of," he whispers, "and with you still here. Why didn't you get in the truck?"

"Because I knew you weren't going to," Rude says simply. But he tenses, and Reno can feel it. "Now stop talking," his hand tightens on Reno's back, "and fucking think of a plan."

Reno laughs a little, but it sounds like he's laughing through tears, even though he's not crying.

"Smoke a cigarette. That's my plan."

"You want a cigarette?"

"I'm fucking out..." And then Reno does lose it, for the stupidest reason.

"_Fuck_," he hisses against Rude's shoulder where he's pressed his face, "all this time...all this time, and that son of a bitch... I trusted him. _You_trusted him. What the fuck?"

"You really think Tseng is going out like that?" Rude replies, but he doesn't let go.

Reno waits for what seems like the a long time. The only sound is the wind whistling around them, and Reno shivers; it's cold out here, and Rude's grip around him gets tighter. Reno suddenly seems much smaller than he ever has, as if he'll disappear if allowed to. But Rude isn't tolerating any bullshit, so he hangs on, and asks again, "Do you?"

Reno sighs, tired, but says, "No." A leap of faith.

"Neither do I," Rude says, his breath right near Reno's ear. And Reno's arms go around Rude now, his fingers brushing lightly against the broad back of his partner. Rude feels something flash through him when he feels Reno touch him, so quickly it can barely register.

He finally pulls back, lets his arms drop; Reno's face has calmed somewhat, and he's trying to breathe.

"So," Rude says, "you ready to take a walk?"

The answer is yes, and Midgar is only a few hours away. And Rude wonders, looking up at the sky as Reno trudges along at his side, just how long they have until the deluge finally does descend to drown them.


End file.
